[kj] Listen to JOKE..Despize Rollins

[Stephen Robinson]

----- Original Message ----- 
From: Alexander Smith
To: A list about all things Killing Joke (the band!)
Sent: Monday, July 19, 2004 11:32 PM
Subject: Re: [kj] Listen to JOKE..Despize Rollins



I'm proposing a ban on the "N-Word" from this point on.

Alex in NYC



Oh in that case, following a quick search on t'internet and before it's
banned:

Did you hear Kurt Cobain was on the TV? ...and on the carpet, the walls, the
furniture...
Did you hear that Nirvana is planning to do another album? If they can just
find a lead singer who can keep his head together...
The new album will be called "Splattermind" and contain such hits as "Kurt
Shaped Box", "Smells like A Rotting Corpse", "In Bloom: A tribute to Kurt's
head", and others.
Does Kurt Cobain like other kinds of music? Yes, he's a Dead Head.
Have you heard about the Seattle beer commemorating Kurt Cobain? It's bitter
and has no head.
Have you seen the new MTV show? Kurt Cobain: Plugged.
How do Princess Di & Kurt Cobain collect their thoughts? With a mop.
How does Cobain feel about the NBA? He think the Bullets have nowhere to go
but up.
How many Cobains does it take to change a lightbulb? Four. One to be
depressed about it, one to take heroin over it, one to sing a bad song about
it, and one to shoot it.
How many members of Nirvana does it take to change a lightbulb? Hopefully,
not more than two.
How many times does it take Kurt Cobain to kill himself? Two, if you want it
done right.
Kurt Cobain should have changed his name before he committed suicide...Kurt
Gobang!
Nirvana's last album: "In Utero." Nirvana's next album: "Post Mortem." It'll
be number one with a bullet.
What's got six legs, six arms, and two heads? Nirvana.
What's red and gray and hanging on the wall behind the sofa? Kurt Cobain's
brain!
What's red and has more brains than Kurt Cobain? The wall behind him.
What's the best thing about Kurt Cobain? His aim!
What's the difference between Kurt Cobain and a mug of beer? Beer still
looks good when you blow the head off.
What's the difference between Kurt Cobain and John Bonham? It took 42 shots
to kill Bonham.
What's the first thing that went through his mind when he pulled the
trigger? His nose!
What color were Kurt's eyes? Blue. One blew this way and one blew that way!
What did Kurt Cobain say to the electrician when he arrived? Not much.
What did Kurt Cobain say whenever Nirvana went for a ride in a car? "I ride
shotgun!"
What did Kurt do when he got to the top? He self-destructed.
What did Kurt have to drink before he died? A couple of shots.
What do Cobain and Wesley Alan Dodd have in common? Hey man -- just shut up
and be glad they're dead.
What do JFK, Curt Cobain, and Bill Clinton all have in common? They each
have (or had, in JFK's case) half a brain, and Gore on their backs.
What do Kurt Cobain and Freddie Mercury have in common? They both sucked a
tube and died.
What do Kurt Cobain and hockey have in common? Face-off in the corner.
What do Kurt Cobain and Michaelangelo have in common? They both used their
brains to paint the ceiling.
What do Kurt Cobain and W. Bobbit have in common? They both got drunk and
lost their heads!
What do you get when you cross Kurt Cobain with Richard Nixon? John Kennedy.
What does Kurt Cobain's head have in common with his record sales? They've
both gone through the roof.
What does Kurt Cobain smell like now? I don't know but it's sure not Teen
Spirit.
What has 2 heads, 4 legs and works at McDonalds? The rest of Nirvana.
What is Kurt Cobain's favorite album? "nomoremind." And don't forget the hit
off the album, "Smells Like Gunsmoke."
What is the ultimate guage of Cobain's success? 12.
What sound did Kurt's shotgun make? Kurt-Kurt Cobain.
What was Kirt Cobain's last hit? The floor.
What was on Kurt Cobain's suicide note? Mostly blood and powder residue.
What was the best cure for Kurt Cobain's depression? 12 gauge buckshot.
What was the best thing that Kurt Cobain ever released? The safety catch on
that gun.
What was the last thing Kurt Cobain said to Courtney Love? Hole's gonna be
real big!
What was the last thing Kurt said before his face got blown away? "S***, I
thought this was a microphone!" Or was it, "Is this mike on?"
What was the last thing to go through Kurt Cobain's mind, "Molten Lead" or
his teeth?
What will Nirvana's next single be? "Bullet in the Head." (Rage against the
Machine cover)
What will Nirvana's next video be? Dancing on the ceiling.
What will they bury Kurt Cobain in? A heart-shaped box.
Whats the new singer of Nirvana called? Kurt No-Brain.
Who makes less money than Dave Grohl and Krist Novoselic? Kurt Cobain.
Why can't you tell any secrets to Kurt Cobain? He'll go shooting off his
mouth.
Why couldn't Kurt Cobain become a professional boxer? Because he can't take
a blow to the head!
Why did Courtney Love drive? Because Kurt preferred riding shotgun.
Why did Kurt Cobain stop doing drugs? He needed them like a hole in his
head!
Why did Kurt Cobain use a shotgun? Because anacin was too weak.
Why did Kurt shoot himself? Because he could no longer shoot up the charts.
Why did Nirvana never let Kurt Cobain talk to the press? He kept shooting
his mouth off.
Why is it so easy to read Kurt Cobain's mind? You can see right through his
head!
Why was Kurt Cobain so embarrassed? He shot his mouth off once too often.
Why were there only two pallbearers at his funeral? There's only two handles
on a garbage can.
Why won't they let Kurt Cobain drive convertibles? His head whistles.
You know, Kurt Cobain would have had a great career -- if he didn't go
shooting off his mouth!
What do Kurt Cobain and Trent Reznor have in common? Head like a hole!
What does NIRVANA stand for?
Needed
Immediately
Reliable
Vocalist
Applications
Now
Accepted
Multiple choice: What will Nirvana's next record be?
My Aim is True
Up on the Roof
Going out of my Head



The upcoming Kurt Cobain tribute album will contain these tunes:
"Alive" - Pearl Jam
"Bullet in your head" - Rage Against the Machine
"I hate myself and want to die" - who else, Nirvana
"Suicide Solution" (i forgot, Ozzy?) Ozzy, yes. And "solution" refers to
liquids with ethanol
"Kill yourself" - S.O.D.
"I shot the devil" - Suicidal Tendencies
"War inside my head"
"Suicidal failure"
"Suicide's an Alternative"
"Another One Bites the Dust" - Queen
"Shotgun Blues" - Guns and Roses
"Overblown" - Mudhoney
"Happiness is a Warm Gun" - The Beatles


Top Ten Reasons Why Kurt Cobain Shot Himself:
10. Wanted to repaint wall a nice shade of "Hint of Brain"
9. Ran out of possible 3 chord combinations for songs.
8. Too many listeners beginning to understand lyrics.
7. If at first you don't succeed, try try again...
6. "Which is dangerous, the wooden end or the metal end?"
5. Tried to scratch pesky spot behind ear with shotgun.
4. Damn Fly!
3. "If I don't get this tuned right I'm gonna shoot myself"
2. Playing Solitaire Russian Roulette
And the number one reason:
1. Couldn't figure out "Cinnamon Girl" Solo.


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