[kj] ot - papal smear for cath-olicks

[fluwdot at earthlink.net]

George W. Bush Elected Pope ... Cardinals Stunned!
Reported by Monsignor Guido Sarducci

The almost 120 Cardinals from around the world that gathered to
choose a successor in the Vatican's Sistine Chapel were stunned
and expressed amazement.

Cardinal Mohoney the Vatican spokesperson had this to say...

"We in the conclave are all shocked. We cast our vote's using these
new electronic voting machines. The results overwhelmingly favored
George W. Bush over all the Catholic candidates. The last Pope, John
Paul, was a superb linguist, fluently speaking 11 languages, this one
can't speak fluently in one language. We just don't know what to 
say."

The White House has announced that Dick Cheney will assume command
as President of the world tomorrow morning, when "W' travels to Rome
to begin his duties as Pope.

George W. Bush had this to say moments ago as he spoke from the Rose
Garden:

"I am honoured to be the spiritual lighthouse, and the first War 
Pope.
I promise Evangelical Catho-licks and Prostates alike that I will be
embodied in salvation and fair in the performance of my duties.

I am a Unitifier, not a Divide-a-cater. I am obliged to try to save
as many lost souls as I can, at least the Devout Wealthy Elite Souls,
as it is well known that Heaven is a very select place, indeed, it is
more exclusive than even the best of country clubs. It is a members
only Heaven. I may have to put a fence around it.

I will perform miracles in a fair and balanced manner. Just as God
used to wipe out entire races of people without warning, burning
whole towns of perverts, killing off entire nations, and drowning
everybody without a ticket to board Noah's Ark, I shall deliver
the world from Evil Empires as I unleash the Apocalypse Wrath of
Revelations.

I will ensure the Rapture and the Reunion with our beloved deceased
family members and with our departed purebred pets. I will not allow
those awful Liberal Sissy Homosapiens to marry each other and I will 
put and end to the Clergy marrying Choirboys.

I will lead the Crusades against all them towel-headed heathens-
possessed 
voodoo-hoodoo barbarians who's Pseudo-religions that don't accept the 
Lord
as the Light of Democracy, and who worship fake, made-up gods.

They shall suffer my Godly Conservative Wrath and I will Destroy them
with my Cherubic Armies of Angels and they shall burn for eternity in
Hell, because Me and God don't take no prisoners!"









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