[kj] ot- actual quotes from court

[circuit bender]

cheers, I needed a chuckle.

fluw <fluwdot at earthlink.net> wrote:
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are 
things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now 
published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while 
these exchanges were actually taking place. 

ATTORNEY:   Are you sexually active? 

WITNESS:       No, I just lie there. 
_____________________________ 
ATTORNEY:   What is your date of birth? 

WITNESS:       July 18th. 

ATTORNEY:   What year? 

WITNESS:       Every year. 
_____________________________________ 
ATTORNEY:    What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? 

WITNESS:        Gucci sweats and Reeboks. 
_____________________________________ 
ATTORNEY:    This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? 

WITNESS:        Yes. 

ATTORNEY:     And in what ways does it affect your memory? 

WITNESS:         I forget. 

ATTORNEY:     You forget? Can you give us an example of something you 
forgot? 




____________________________________ 
ATTORNEY:    How old is your son, the one living with you? 

WITNESS:       Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. 

ATTORNEY:    How long has he lived with you? 

WITNESS:        Forty-five years. 




_____________________________________ 
ATTORNEY:   What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? 

WITNESS:      He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" 

ATTORNEY:   And why did that upset you? 

WITNESS:       My name is Susan. 
______________________________________ 
ATTORNEY:   Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo? 

WITNESS:       We both do. 

ATTORNEY:   Voodoo? 

WITNESS:       We do. 

ATTORNEY:   You do? 

WITNESS:       Yes, voodoo. 
______________________________________ 
ATTORNEY:    Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his 
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? 

WITNESS:  Did you actually pass the bar exam? 
__________________________________ 
ATTORNEY:     The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he? 

WITNESS:         Twenty-one 
________________________________________ 
ATTORNEY:    Were you present when your picture was taken? 

WITNESS:        Would you repeat the question? 
______________________________________ 
ATTORNEY:    So the date of conception of the baby was August 8th? 

WITNESS:        Yes. 

ATTORNEY:    And what were you doing at that time? 

WITNESS:        Uh.... 
____________________________________ 
ATTORNEY:     She had three children, right? 

WITNESS:         Yes. 

ATTORNEY:     How many were boys? 

WITNESS:         None. 

ATTORNEY:     Were there any girls? 
______________________________________ 
ATTORNEY:    How was your first marriage terminated? 

WITNESS:        By death. 

ATTORNEY:    And by whose death was it terminated? 
______________________________________ 
ATTORNEY:     Can you describe the individual? 

WITNESS:         He was about medium height and had a beard. 

ATTORNEY:     Was this a male or a female? 
_____________________________________ 
ATTORNEY:     Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a 
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? 

WITNESS:        No, this is how I dress when I go to work. 
______________________________________ 
ATTORNEY:     Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on 
dead people? 

WITNESS:         All my autopsies are performed on dead people. 
______________________________________ 
ATTORNEY:     ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK?  What school did you go 
to? 

WITNESS:         Oral. 
_____________________________________ 
ATTORNEY:    Do you recall the time that you examined the body? 

WITNESS:        The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.. 

ATTORNEY:     And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? 

WITNESS:         No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing 
an autopsy on him! 
________________________________________ 
ATTORNEY:    Are you qualified to give a urine sample? 

WITNESS:        Huh? 
_____________________________________ 
ATTORNEY:     Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for 
a pulse? 

WITNESS:         No. 

ATTORNEY:     Did you check for blood pressure? 

WITNESS:         No. 

ATTORNEY      Did you check for breathing? 

WITNESS:         No. 

ATTORNEY:     So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you 
began the autopsy? 

WITNESS:         No. 

ATTORNEY:     How can you be so sure, Doctor? 

WITNESS:         Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. 

ATTORNEY:     But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? 

WITNESS:         Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and 
practicing law 


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