[kj] i think im gonna give up my chance to see kj in la :[

[damon cook]

ugh...

my gf bought our "band" APOTHEOSIZOR 3 la tix a few weeks ago without asking
me first as i was planning on finally meeting cliffmonk at  NYC gigs since
im east coast virginia since 1973 basically(born 1969). but my girl lives in
seattle and shes the big head nurse for me,the dumb doctor of rock,and all
of a sudden i found myself worrying terribly a few days ago and yesterday
was the final straw.
i just cant deal with it all...

never seen kj before,been looking forward to it for quite a many moon/season
of course but i know it would end up badly for me seeing as i wouldnt be
able to smoke at the gig and would probably end up outside 3/4 of the time
stressed out like i always do here at certain times...
and without raven i would probably come unglued i imagine in seattle again
and end up in a bad way...

i think i may be ending it with my loyal mate too after a few years of
dreaming of the possibilities...

its all a dream in my head that is never going to come true.

i am fucked.

gotta go back to work as a carpenter or some nonsense after 9 years off on
disablity...

im sick of living life behind a keyboard or webcam or cell phone....

i want to make my soundmagick with someone who cares about it,the green
it,me....

seeing kj live with my girl in la/raven town then having to come back here
alone again for another year or two is something i jsut dont think i can do.

probably going to be the last thing kj ever do i imagine maybe,dunno

have fun all you lucky sods who got the balls to show up live.

im still in tears daily over raven....

useless i am.utterly and completely except at music and art.

never recorded any music really and i hate drawing now.


i just buried my apotheosizor myspace page that me and raven and my gf
dreamed up 13 months ago...we are officially dead now with a blank page...

cant do it alone like reznor....im not gay

wanna make some loud noises again with real living breathing humans and
experience that HENDRIXIAN healing force arise and engulf me...

been since 2001 that i played with anyone really-miss it so so so much

anyway,who knows whatll happen when my gf finally calls me,past week has
been horrid

=thats just whats up with me,gatherers

cheers
d*
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